Before we dive into the topic, first let us list the current additive habits we have. It can be comfort food, sugar addiction, coffee addiction, screen addiction or more health impacting addictive behaviors.
Next, list the number of years, you had the above addictions added in the New year resolution list, in the hopes of stopping that habit for the new year.
For me it has been comfort addiction. Trust me, I was doing so well in February this year, but once lock down started, I cleaned up the entire stock of sugar and spicy items.
Finally list the total number of years you had this behavior. For me, it looks like I have been fighting this forever – at-least I have been aware of this addiction for past 3-4 years and have been adding it to New year resolution since then, to fix it.
Hope you can see where I am going with this.
Awesome!! Things are always easier to understand when you can relate to them.
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One of the common questions we all have about hitting or other non-friendly behaviors exhibited by toddlers:: The first question that pops up on our head is ‘how do I make it stop’, ‘what should I say or do to make it stop right away?’
This is coming from my own experience. I would read up and apply some Montessori method or respectful parenting method and then wonder ‘I thought this was supposed to work? why isn’t working?’
I am going to attempt to de-mystify that.
Kids have bad impact control. Hold on, I am slightly incorrect. actual truth is , their impulse control is still developing and not fully formed until they are in their early 20s!!!. The parenting books talk in detail about that part of the brain that is still developing – I am not going to bore you with medical terms.
Adults supposedly have better impulse control, because that part of the brain is well developed. And yet we keep reaching for that chocolate bar or just watch one more TV show, often! Yes, I know, we have a root cause for that, we are under lot of stress and hence resort to these addictive behaviors and hence are unable to put an end to it.
Kids have several reasons that we do not know of and we cannot relate to. They undergo lot of stress – starting with their parents prying things away from their hands all the time – however good the intentions are – and being rushed into daily life and finally not allowed to operate in their pace
(e.g.
Kid thoughts on Monday morning: wow, look at that truck or some tiny animal- I am going to watch that forever and forever!!!
My freaking out thoughts on Monday morning: Nooooooooo, no way, I am not going to be late again )
As much as I would love to believe that kids are spies sneaking out after we are asleep and form little toddling groups and devise and discuss ways to drive us crazy – they actually do not, they are just being tiny humans – tiny BRAND NEW HUMANS.
Hence expecting them to stop a non-friendly behavior in a day or with a aggressive or fast discipline method is really an unrealistic expectation.
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Wait? How is this even helpful? I thought these posts are supposed to help me.
Well, truth and knowledge always help – especially if it is a biological norm. During the bad days, when everything is flying off the handle, you feel like you are losing it or feel like everything is going wrong…. You know why now. It is sometimes developmentally appropriate and takes its own sweet time.
You are already doing your best by practicing some of the respectful parenting methods and you just need to hold on to it for a little longer. It is not your fault, when it seems like it is not working, it takes its time. Just a little longer! And sometimes, a lot longer!