Let us use an example again.
Imagine you are watching a thriller movie or your favorite game show.
“The villain is deliberately banging doors and walking loudly trying to scare the victim who is shivering and hiding in a cabinet in the kitchen. The friend has called the cops and now rushing to help the victim. Friend is almost at the door and trying to get in the house. The cops are trying to arrive with their lights off so that they can catch the villain without spooking off.
Villain is almost closer to dining room and opening closet doors in there. Victim is sweating profusely trying best not to utter a sound, not even breathing… friends is near hallway… cops are almost nearby….”
You are at the edge of your couch biting your nails, hunched over, watching intently on what transpires next – who will get to whom first – will the victim be safe???. You have no clue what is going on around you, you are now totally lost in this movie and completely oblivious of your surroundings. What is going to happen in the movie now?? You are so damn curious now.
And just like that, your silly friends jumps in front of TV and changes the channel – no notice, just sudden switch. Or worse, grabs you by your arms and drags you and tries to stuff food in your face… or maybe pour water on you
What would you do? How do you react to that?
Yell loudly at your friend for ruining the moment? Shower your friend with friendly punches on the arms? Wiggle out of their hold and rush back to your TV and try to put the movie back? What if they don’t let you do that? Continue to hold you? Would you scream at them and continue to wiggle out and continue to punch? Become a raving manic and start throwing a tantrum until they let you go?
You can already see where I am going with this…
You were so completely focused and intently watching a movie. Your silly friend with no respect and no regards to the state of your mind, tried to not only switch off your movie, but also keeps trying to make you eat or give you a bath.. It annoys you so much.
That is exactly what happens when you pull a kid out of their activity suddenly. It could be a valid reason for you, but it is a sudden surprise for the kid. The kid is **shocked** that you interrupted them out of their focused activity and continue to force the kid to do something else. And kid is definitely going to be upset or throw a “tantrum”
***Solution:*** – Advance Notice Method
Stop throwing sudden surprises for the kid. **Give ample advance notice, sufficient heads-up to the kid before you do anything with the kid**. It does not matter their age or nature of the activity – you can start as young as newborn. It does not matter whether it is indoors (bath time, mealtime, diaper change etc.) or outdoors (exiting out of park, events, shop, library, friends house etc.)
E.g. You smell a stinky diaper. Tell the kid, ‘hey I am going to come change your diaper in few mins okay?’ After two mins gently remind again why you are picking the kid up. Assure that the kid can go back to whatever they are doing after the diaper change, or let them hold that toy while you change them.
E.g.2. kid is intently playing in park. Tell your kid 10 mins before you have to leave – (Since kids do not know the concept of time at young age, use another tangible item to describe how much time is left) – ‘hey we are leaving in 10 mins okay, that is another 8 rounds in the slide. okay?’
Again in 5mins remind kid again ‘okay we are going home after 4 more rounds okay?’
After sufficient heads-up, ask the kid to come to you. “Hey dear we are leaving now, come on, let us go”.
E.g.3. Kid picked up a sock and trying to bite it. Gently ask the kid “hey sock is for your feet, not for eating, here take this teether instead and give the sock back to me’. Remember do not pry the item suddenly from the kid. Ask the kid to give the item back to you once or twice. If kid does not relent, then gently take the item back explaining why you are taking the item back.
“All this is fine” – you say – what happens if the kid still refuses to come?
Will share some tips in next post. “Pick up some snacks” and “start the countdown” 🙂
(See what I did there?? 🙂 No? Hang tight! You will know soon enough!)
PS:
It is not a switch and things don’t change in one day. It would take few times or days for kid to understand and relate to what you are saying and start implementing them.