Posting with permission from another mom – events may not be accurately depicted as it transpired
Mom went to store to buy winter jackets for her kid – 2year old toddler
After shopping for sometime and trying some on her kid and looking around she found only one jacket that can better withstand the harsh winter – a multiple layered jacket – a blue colored one
She gathered the tried ones and was about to put it away but her toddler caught on to one specific green jacket and clung to it.
She tried to remove it from toddlers hands and tried to explain that blue jacket is better for the winter but her kid didn’t understand
The more she tried the more the kid got attached to it and eventually resulted in huge meltdown.
She tried her best to pacify and when it didn’t work, she went ahead and bought it – even though it was not perfect for winter.
Now some of you must be wondering – maybe she could have set limits on toddler and even though he cried, should not have bought it. Well, let us see!
A year passed and now toddler was more vocal and could communicate his needs very well.
A pattern was also starting to emerge- he gravitated towards green color more and more in different parts of life – be it coloring or shirt color or toy color choice
As curiosity got better of her, she finally decided to ask about it
Mom: hey why did you get green color toy, we already have lot of green color toys.
Him: I like green, I love green color
As a matter of fact, he was still attached to that green color jacket and lugged it everywhere around.
And it hit her suddenly – that is why he was upset about that green jacket last year and had a meltdown when she tried to put it back
He had a strong color preference and probably loved that jacket, but had no idea how to communicate that and was distraught at the thought of losing it and hence after few struggles resulted in meltdown
His individuality was showing up ahead of his communication skills and knowledge of extensive vocabulary and that battle is what we call as tantrum and probably because of that labeling – we end up dismissing the kids need – we more often than not fail to understand what is going on in their little minds.
The reason I am sharing this is – it is easy to say be a YES mom or set firm limits – but there is so much more in real life – which we understand better with experience – the more we deal with and sail through the meltdowns, the more it becomes a habit to relate to the toddler and vice verse.