My kid dropped a plate on the floor. Usually I tell right away ‘hey can you pick up the plate and give it to me’, obviously my kid will not pick up, and I will be rushing to pick up the plate and would frantically start cleaning the floor, because otherwise the floor will get soaked up and messed up.
That day, when my kid dropped the plate, I said the same thing, but something was about to burn in stove so I continued to stir in the kitchen. The plate was empty anyway so I was not worried about the floor. Few seconds passed, and my kid completed the task at hand, stood up, bent and picked up the plate and shuffled over and handed the plate to me. I was not even paying attention until the kid gently bumped the plate against my leg to get my attention and hand it over.
And then it hit me. Another proof that you can read and read, but until you experience it, it does not register well in your mind.
The processing time, the gap/time need for my kid to finish whatever task at hand or understand what I said, and then do what was asked –
**I NEVER paused to give that time to my kid.** I would give instruction and right away assume that my child is not going to do it and rush to do it myself. I had valid reasons – like avoid soiled floor and save elaborate cleaning – but in that rush, I forgot to teach my kid an important lesson (setting limits) and more importantly missed to give a chance for my kid to respond.
Were you alive when the old bulky desktop computers existed? Do you recall how, after you clicked download, you can go run around your city and come back and file is still downloading? Forget about file download, how about when you clicked on the IE and waited for it to open? hee hee, remember those days 😭?
Compare that to desktops and laptops and internet speed today? Huge difference in the processing speed!!
Keep this difference in your mind when you give instructions to your child. The processing speed for your kid is little slow – but they are not slow, they are definitely NOT dumb, they are just new to it – the language, the rules, the process, almost everything is new to them.
When they are brand new, they take time to process information. Repeat that word again so you remember forever, “**Brand. New. Toddlers**”.
***The amazing countdown trick!*** My life savior!!
By now, you would have realized that most of these tricks not just help your child but help you as well. When I start the countdown,
– I give enough time for my kid to respond and choose the best option – I give my kid the CONTROL, the drivers seat, which the toddlers love at that age.
– It is also an indirect reminder to myself to not rush my kid.
Another easy example to relate to:
– You have already told your kid that we are leaving after 4 rounds (brush up on previous posts on this topic). And if the kid is still not ready to come, use the countdown trick.
– Say, ‘hey, I will count to 5 and after that we will go to car okay? 111…, 222…, 333…., 444…, 555.
– Once countdown ends, if kid is still not started, say, ‘hmm looks like you need help going to car, I am going to pick you up and carry you to the car. ‘
More often than not, your kid will come with you on their own, they want to walk and exercise their freedom and control, will not want you to pick them up.
If not, you stick to your word, pick up the kid and put them in the car – no matter what happens, even if kid is upset.
You have to do this in the initial days – this will help kid learn that within countdown period, kid has freedom to act and choose and take control, but once countdown ends, you take over the driver seat.
And the kid will almost always choose the driver seat and follow the instruction given. Because it is no longer an instruction, it is their choice, their chance to exercise their freedom, before you scoop them up and force them into doing stuff.
Of course there is a catch. *The real trick is to set yourself up for success*. Do not use this trick when you know for sure it is going to fail. Then the trick loses its novelty and the respect it deserves.
E.g. you just reached a park but realize you have to use the loo, do not use this this method, the kid will definitely not follow you since kid eyes are popping out waiting to ride the swings or slide. There is no way in hell your kid is magically going to drop their lifelong dreams and follow you.
In that case, tell the truth. ‘Hey I need to pee, really sorry, I will bring you back in 5 minutes after I pee’ and scoop up the kid and run 🙂 I was joking, don’t run, try to walk calmly if possible.
And good luck trying to use restroom with a upset kid. (I swear, I am not evil 😅😆).
PS:
- Again, these tricks take time to take effect. Do not give up within few trails or failures.
- This is an extension to giving advance notice but little different. In countdown trick, kid will do the tasks that they are otherwise reluctant to do and do not know what to do and have kind of got lost and need your guidance to show the right way.
- E.g. refusing to leave a room, refusing to get in car seat, not pickup toys, not cleaning. you can apply countdown trick in all these refusal situations and setting limits situations
- sometimes I count to myself instead of aloud so that I give kid enough time to act on provided information.