I do not know how you people watch movies in theatre without fast forward button, but I watched this movie bigil in 25 mins by forwarding most of the violent scenes (legally though)
Note: spoiler alert
The ending of the movie really baffled me. When the team had fear, Bigil initially started yelling at them – which seemed justified because a strong team was underperforming – but then went on to insult them and started targeting a person and kept insulting her.
To make it worse, when Angel asks why, he proudly responds “I lighted it, now watch the fire spread” (I do not remember the exact response but it sounded something like this). It meant that he has motivated them enough to outperform and win the game – by throwing insults at them.
What is it with our country and using tough love to raise the spirits or motivate a person or as discipline strategy ???
I remember one of our teachers – who was an amazing human being, hardworking mom – using tough love as a discipline strategy.
End result was – multiple people, not just disliked her, they started having averse feelings to subject that she teaches as well. This was particularly weird since that subject was students most favorite subject.
One by one, I had witnessed students who were passionate about the subject before meeting her, just stopped paying attention in that class and stopped focusing on that subject and went on to fail or score such low grade that it even impacted their overall score. They associated their negative experiences to both the subject and her.
One of them even said ‘She ruined X subject for me, I will never read it or like it again’
Of course I know some would say , we should not let external folks influence our mind or our passion but it is so much harder for lot of people – especially young children – to not to succumb to pressure especially when it is emotional or affects your mind.
And one proverbs I really hate (hate is a strong word) – spare the rod and spoil …..
I am sure you have a version of this in your mother tongue
I have no info on how this tough love method of parenting or discipline strategy started but we seriously need to change our gears and just treat kids like normal human beings and not use insult to motivate them.
What do you define as insult or tough love? Just listing a few common traps we tend to fall into:
Emotional
- Telling them that cannot do anything or they are useless to accomplish something
- Comparing them to someone else’s child or worse, their siblings
- Using bad words in front of them
- Using bad words to address them
- Complaining about them to visitors right in front of them
Physical
- Any form of aggressive handling – intentionally choosing to leave out details to avoid triggering
The motivation for the child has to come from within – this is hard skill to develop and lot of us even as adults unfortunately do not have this skill and end up relying on tangible ways of motivation to pull us through.
By not falling into the above traps we can at least bring up the generation who believe in themselves!!