Baby was crying, I dropped what I was doing and picked up baby and baby snuggled and locked me in. I immediately realized that I had to pee, didn’t remember if I switched off the stove, needed my phone, earphones, tissue and probably a pillow for my back.
I tried to move but it was waking my baby up and baby started screaming again.
I was bored, back-pain started creeping up and do I need to mention I had to pee? I was dehydrated as well and hungry by now.
Initially it felt irritating, and when seconds turned into minutes and slowly inching to an hour, I was clearly frustrated.
I was snappy, annoyed and irritated. When my husband came around, I gave baby and rushed to pee and then to hydrate and eat – all the while listening to screaming baby and gulping and gobbling food.
And I learned my lesson. I loved my baby – but the frustration I had in that few minutes which turned into hours – I could not feel the oxytocin in that moment – the joy you feel when you hold your baby. It was clearly suppressed and taken over by stress and frustration of basic needs not being met. I don’t want to feel that way. Did I already mention that I love my child? Yes right, I want to continue feeling that way. I don’t want this feel of frustration when I am around my child. The wonderful moment of realization is, that is in my control.
Or I would loved to say I learned my lesson, but let us be honest, it takes time to shift our mindset.
The expectation around moms is they put the baby first, drop everything at the drop of a hat and go take care of the baby. Plus it has to be mom only because who else can handle a screaming baby?
I choose to challenge this – this has been hard, it takes lot of practice but I will continue to practice this.
- I prioritize my basic needs first.
- This does not mean I am ignoring my child.
- e.g. If my baby cries, and I have to pee, I quickly check that baby is safe, I pee first and then pick the baby
- Note: There are definitely respectful/Montessori ways to this.
- I will work towards breaking the stereotypes around parenting – starting with ‘only moms can handle screaming babies’
- When it comes to parenting, I will not feel guilty for reach out for support as much as needed*** (This is work in progress, more on that later)
- I will work to suit my skills, my traits and capacity and not try to be a superhero, because I am just a human being as much as my partner
- I will have reset days – a lot of them. More than what my fingers can count!
- Annnnd I will not be guilty about it!!!